Aren't these swell?

Adorably Disturbing Cuddlies Follow the link to see all of the other creations, and to see the dolls' posteriors on display, which I think is the very best part....so slumpy and mopey and cute. They're so up Noodle's alley. I must remember this for his birthday.

Funny Ha Ha

Some things cracked me up bigtime today, and they are just too good to not share so here ya go. Plus I haven't posted in ages so I figured what the hell.

Well, this here photo is one of the funny things. Tony, I love you. Funny boys really are the keepers. Look at this man---straight up pimpin' through the wilderness with our double-wide stroller, ya'll. Holla!

Also, while driving through the city, Tony and I spotted an older woman (she looked ancient, but that just may be from hard living), dressed eerily similar to that hot mess Britney Spears in all those trash mag pre-psych ward shots. She was wearing a super short skirt, halter top, platform heels, big hair, fake tan...the works. She gave me the heebies and as we rolled past I pointed (such nice manners and such a kind heart, I know) and said, "Ick...cougar." Tony's reply slayed me: "Somebody call Animal Control!" I think it may become our new code for Prowlers.

And then a bit later on we took the kids to the river for a stroll around the Pony Pastures* and I made Tony & the kids escort me to the parking lot restrooms because they looked sketchy. "Walk me there," I demanded. "The restrooms look kinda rapey." Sometimes I make myself belly laugh and it usually is highly inappropriate. Plus, making up new words is almost always funny. To me, at least.

*Back in 1996, my old roomate Jenny and I went there to swim and saw some creep "watching" us and "entertaining himself" from the bushes, so I am well aware of the reality of danger in this specific location. That particular fellow didn't get away without a nice pelting courtesy of river rocks thrown by yours truly. My arm is golden...he was punished.

giggles galore

I think they might like each other or something.

Hey, Bo Diddley

thank you & goodbye

My, Oh, My

Someone's been a busy drunken beaver. 30 or so? That soon? Really? You dust with them? Really? Ammo? Really.

it has a name

this week has been a hard one.


we finally had our long awaited, much anticipated & ultimately heartbreaking appointment with the developmental pediatrician. i left the meeting holding angus' little hand tightly and fighting back tears, my head filled with about as many questions as i had answers and with an actual panic-induced ringing in my ears. i suppose that sort of thing tends to happen when you are told your beautiful and brilliant little handful has autism.

and i thought i was properly prepared to hear this. for over a year things have seemed to be leading us here, to this diagnosis. for longer than a year. in the past few months i have read fourteen books on the topic, readying myself for the possibility. but it was still enough of a shock that my head filled with pressure and my ears heard only wha wha wha wha as the doctor explained things to me. i can't believe i did not hold it together. a week before this appointment, i met with our pediatrician and she made a point to tell me what was most likely going to happen and made me assure her that i would try my best to just get as much information as possible and not react. but there i was, deaf. even though i had promised our pediatrician and myself that i wouldn't let this happen.

i've had a few days to work through what i thought i had already worked through and i am really getting to okay with this. he has a best-case scenario sort of diagnosis within the spectrum, i guess. he is high-functioning, and that combined with his high intelligence will give him wings. so now i have kicked into action-mode, busying myself with compiling our list of new books to read, new diets to try, new therapies to begin. readying myself for the inevitable struggle for services with the insurance company, with the schools. learning about his educational rights. learning to accept and move on. my new goal is to KNOW. to continue to advocate for him even better than the best my abilities can offer. and above all else, i had to have that moment--later in the day of his diagnosis---where the feeling ran over me that no matter what angus is still the same boy he was before the doctor uttered those words. and that kid is really fucking great.

there has been some related good news this week, too. well, bad news that is also good. combo news. at an appointment with his asthma & allergy specialist today, skin tests showed that angus has significant food allergies to ingredients in about 70% of his current diet. this was so hard to hear because the kid barely eats as it is. if i were to compile a list of foods he will eat i don't think i'd get to 20, and almost all of it is effected. so what he has been eating is making him sick. bananas (a staple of his diet since he began eating solids), corn & corn products (corn is in everything! who knew?), cottonseed oil (a ridiculous & unnecessary filler also in tons of food), peanuts, all tree nuts and mild allergies to other things, too. so tomorrow we begin a 7 day elimination diet where he will not be allowed any foods containing known allergens. he may starve. he is so stubborn about food i just don't know how this will go. but after the week is up, we then let him binge for 4 days on allergen-heavy foods and see what happens and then report it to the physician.

where is the good news? well, for starters, soon angus' body won't be in constant defense mode. once the bad stuff is cleaned out of him he should feel better and lose the rashy, dry skin and eczema that make him so uncomfortable. and as a bonus, our doctor explained that some children who exhibit autistic traits are doing so due to food allergies. so there's that. fingers crossed.

i hestitated to write here about this, but decided that this will be good for me. it's kind of a relief to put all this out here. our day to day difficulties are emotionally exhausting and socially isolating. this forum is a good way to sift things into perspective, to vent and brainstorm, and now maybe get some advice...some support. not pity though. my baby rules. i don't want to change anything about him. (well, except for the food thing. i'd love for him to eat anything i placed in front of him....that'd be cool.) i just want to fortify him for what could be a rough future. help build him up strong and happy and unbothered by being misunderstood. make sure he knows how fantastic he is exactly as he is. and just enjoy him.

and that's not hard to do. because he is amazing.

P3 is One

Happy Birthday, Little Man! You remind me of someone.

hello, summer

In Virginia, approximately 3 weeks separate summer from winter. Those weeks have come and gone. Hello, Summer. So nice to see you again.

semi-successful experiment

I just finished my photos for the May Nectar & Light Photo Trade and I am satisfied with what I produced, but wish there was more time to really achieve what I wanted with this assignment. I feel like I was just getting warm....almost there, but time has run out and the deadline to mail the photos is the 18th. The theme for the month is Losing Focus: Finding Beauty in the Blur. I wasn't able to get what I wanted using just depth of field or focus, so I ended up shooting through the lenses of dollar store nerd glasses, in the style of TTV ("Through the Viewfinder" photography is as taking a picture of something through the viewfinder of any camera with another camera.) I am now on the hunt for an old Brownie camera to use for TTV shots. I found one at a thrift store for a buck recently, but put it back because the whole back of it was missing. Grrrrrrr. Just look at the kind of images shooting TTV this makes? Beautiful. Anyways....here are the final images I am settling on for May. Near to what I had hoped for, but not quite there.

The Duke Spirit - The Step and The Walk

Ooooooooooooo, this record is so goooooood.

Go out and buy Neptune now. The record is great. Did this video post successfully? We'll see. If not, then head over to YouTube and look for them. Thank me later.

I Have Internet Cooties

It's true, but first I must share some serious awesomeness with you all. Well, mostly just with fellow wavy or curly haired folks. Friends, countrymen, I have found salvation. My formula is the Anti-Poof. This stuff is crazy good and delivers what it promises for under $5 a bottle.

Ahhh, yes---one more thing before I get back to talking cooties. Netflix up The Orphanage right away and enjoy.

OK, so I caught the Internet cooties from my friend Tracey, but it's cool. She entertains me daily with her amazing artwork (her work is fascinating...go take a peek), so I don't mind a bit. (one day I will own one of her paintings....) The rules are simple: 1. pick up the nearest book 2. turn to page 123. 3. find the fifth sentence. 4. post the next three sentences 5. tag five people and acknowledge who tagged you. If you want to play along, please do. Morgan? Erika? Becky? Nancy? Sherrie? I am curious to see what you are reading.

So here it is. An excerpt from Beautiful Children, by Charles Bock. This dude never met a comma he didn't want to plop between phrases and just keep on keeping on, a veritable minefield of run-on sentences, this book. Here goes-----

The Beatles and "Revolution" for Nike got things started, although that was
more of a ghost story than fact, it happened so long ago that most of the people
in the truck hadn't been alive back then, nobody had even seen the actual
commercial. But everyone knew about it, just like they knew "Satisfaction" by
the Rolling Stones for Microsoft. And the Who got tagged for that "best I ever
had" song, which had been used by Lexus automobiles.

i love spring

skirty, originally uploaded by Hollis Queen.

skirt weather is here. correction....bare-legged skirt weather is here. can i get an amen?

Noah Got A Bike!

And it isn't a hand-me-down. He likes its new bike smell.

Angus Spells

Last night, Angus started putting words together on his own using his alphabet puzzle. He spelled ANGUS, EXIT, and WHY.

Today he said, "Look, Momma! Today is April." I nearly let this statement slip past without a second thought, ordinary as it was. Since they do the calendar reading every day during circle time at school I have grown used to his proclamations of today's Marchness or Tuesdayness or Twenty-Thirdness. But then he repeated it and waved toward the dining table. And when I looked where he'd gestured toward I saw that he had spelled out APRIL, too.

This means he can move on to the movable alphabet at school now. Which means he may no longer be so bored. He has been having trouble finding work that interests him or work that he isn't intimidated by lately. So this is huge. Well, it's huge when any three year old can read, but my kid has language difficulties so this is a really big deal. And it means that he is progressing after all, just at his own pace and on his own timetable. Far ahead of others his age in some areas, and far behind in others. It all evens out in the end. Not that it ever needs to for him to keep on impressing me.

Hello Again

it's been awhile since i posted here. things were crazy. sick kid, short hospital stint, then playing catch up, you know how it goes. then spring just sort of happened overnight. so we have been busy cramming as much fun as can fit into each minute of every day.

here is a short (and fairly dull) list of some happenings since i last wrote:
1. angus rekindled his relationship with Maurice Ravel's Bolero. it is once again spinning at least once daily. from the time he was 2 to 3 we listened to it about four times a day. you'd think we'd all be sick of this piece of music by now, but it still feels new. the kid has excellent taste. angus calls it "angy's music."
2. noah became lobster boy. pinching is his new favorite pastime. he has these gigantic thumbs which give him incredible strength seemingly designed specifically for this task. we were all ill equipped to handle the abuse from something so cute. nasty little bugger. he has been spending quite a bit of time in the penalty box lately.
3. angus, fresh out of the hospital after six days of gastrointestinal distress courtesy of the ever-so-awesome rotavirus bug (jerk), started refusing to take naps. the kid went from a regular daily routine of a 4 hour nap to zilch. his explanation was so sweet and so true. "no nap, momma! i already slept for five days!" he is back to napping now. phew. this mommy's not ready to give those up yet, kiddo.
4. i saw the trailer for pineapple express and laugh/cried myself silly. i can't wait to see this.
5. i discovered this amazing artist.
6. and participated in my first photo trade through nectar & light. the theme for the month was "a faerie tale told" and we were to photograph our own take on a fairy tale. i received the greatest alice in wonderland-inspired package from a really cool girl. i hope mine stacked up ok. i based mine on hansel & gretel. but with boys. hansel & hansel, i guess. it was fun and i want to do it again.

Awesomeness

take a look at this greatness i found on flickr. someone plastered a whole neighborhood with good PR for their dog. and it wasn't sherrie partin. looks like doug's mommy needs to try harder to spread the gospel of his awesomeness.

click on the poster to enlarge for your viewing pleasure.

missing my babies

The house is very quiet this morning without my little noisemakers scampering around.

sharing is fun!

The "because I'm bigger" method of attack isn't going to work much longer. But for the time being, it's pretty effective.

Happy Would-Be Birthday, Old Friend.

Even Koko loved good old Fred Rogers.
For always encouraging children to make the most of this beautiful day, Mr. Rogers---I thank you.
I am so happy that my boys think you're great.

welcome, spring!

more daylight is good for my soul

Lunchtime Jokers

who's afraid of the big bad owl?

about a month or so ago, angus had a nightmare about an owl. he woke up drenched in sweat and screaming sometime around 2AM. from what i've been able to gather in our many many discussions about owls since that night, the dream involved an owl sneaking into his school and flying around the room, tormenting angus by staring at my terror stricken boy and blinking his eyes wildly and flapping his wings up and down. which is actually a pretty terrifying thought. i'm sure he'd had nightmares before this one, but the owl dream was the first dream he was ever able to articulate as a bad dream, and was able to describe what it was about.

that night, through tears and in a panicked whisper, he told me the basics: "momma, i had a bad dream! a big scary owl in my school!" poor little buddy. holding him tightly and wiping away his tears, i carried him into my bed and laid him down in that magical safe spot of childhood that exists in the warm space between two slumbering parents.

since that night, little man has had a gigantic fear of owls. we had to cease our regular trips to a nearby nature center because of the owl's presence in a certain dark side-room. i had to edit many of our favorite read-aloud books for content-- pages containing owls were quickly passed over to spare my otherwise brave son's nerves. and most of all, he wouldn't even look at those decoys people put up on rooftops to scare away critters. it was honestly heartbreaking to witness the development of a phobia.

but today, my brave little munchkin decided it was time to face his fears and spent 20 brave minutes observing owls at the nature center. he first demanded i hold him and then clung to me and hid his face in my neck. then he slowly loosened his grip, slid down from his perch on my hip and lingered in the doorway to the darkened owl habitat. within a few minutes, he was standing right up against the sheet of glass separating him from a large one-eyed great horned owl and a much smaller screech owl. my baby studied the larger and scarier beast's face for the longest time. and then just like that, out of angus' mouth came the sweetest little sound ever. "owls aren't bad, momma. owl's not scary. they're nice. and cute. look! it's a momma and a baby momma!"

aren't little people amazing?

Don't Tell Me NO-ah

This here is a small fry who does not believe in the concept of being too little for anything. If he can imagine it, he will attempt it and will usually succeed in at whatever daredevilry he puts his mind to. I used to be at odds with myself, and with him, over whether or not I should allow him to do half the things he does on playgrounds, stairwells, and even (yes) on ladders. But I eventually grew tired of the daily struggle to keep him away from the things he was naturally drawn to. So I let him explore at his (seemingly) own risk. I expected a few falls, maybe some little I-told-you-so sort of moments riddled with hugs and boo-boo kissing. And then he kept on surprising me with his crazy good climbing and problem solving skills. He could not only climb up, but scoot on back down without and bodily harm. He has really never needed me to intervene on behalf of his safety when it comes to that sort of thing. He climbs up, and then he climbs down. Period. I lurk nearby, ready to catch him if he tumbles, but I make sure to stay just far enough away so that he feels the glory of freedom that every natural born thrill seeker craves. And, oh man you should see this sucker run down hills. Big hills. The kind of hills that, when snow covered, give you that, "Ummm...should I really be doing this?" feeling before you go whizzing down on a sled. He can run down, straight down, and fast without falling down. You should see the other parents faces as they watch me let it happen. His tiny little body just trucking downhill while me and Angus just laugh and laugh.

while noah sleeps....

I sadly don't get to spend much one on one time with Angus anymore. Bedtime is our time---a good solid hour every night for our routine of bath, bedtime stories, singing songs together in the dark, and snuggling close. I miss the old days of our little spontaneous daily adventures, just the two of us, and I know he does, too. Should I feel guilty admitting that? I love being a mom to two kids, but I honestly miss the ease of having only one soul to please and protect when we are out and about. They do this whole divide and conquer routine on me now which makes the smallest errand kind of stressful. Going to the library, something that was once very relaxing, is now a misadventure every time we go. Noah thinks the goal is the hasty removal of every book from the shelves while Angus demands my undivided attention as he shows me a million and a half things a minute. So understand me when I vent that I am only doing that. I feel for the little guy. He deserves me to himself, and likewise. It seems that I now spend most of the time we are together running defense for him, trying my best to keep Noah from ruining the big-kid fun Angus is having. Noah eats crayons and paint and Play Dough so we can't let him near the table during arts & crafts time. Noah is a book shredder, a train track annihilator, a block-castle destroyer, and an enthusiastic racetrack messer-upper. So I get the pleasure of being a one woman police force dutifully patrolling the border between Angus' fun and Noah's pursuit of happiness. And it is murky territory, since the two lands bleed together and, at the moment, mix like oil and water.

Family-Portrait-Face Practice

And Now, Our Feature Presentation......

Rest Stop

Lately I have been altering my digital photos to look like film. Maybe that's a sign that I need to break out the old SLR camera and dare to actually shoot some film. I think I will make it my February goal. I just realized I have no analog pictures of Noah.

The Count

Angus' favorite Sesame Street skit taken to a whole new level. Man alive, YouTube is a pot o' gold.

Lunchtime Sillies

Quiet Time

Parenting Tips