Sunday, May 25, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
this week has been a hard one.
we finally had our long awaited, much anticipated & ultimately heartbreaking appointment with the developmental pediatrician. i left the meeting holding angus' little hand tightly and fighting back tears, my head filled with about as many questions as i had answers and with an actual panic-induced ringing in my ears. i suppose that sort of thing tends to happen when you are told your beautiful and brilliant little handful has autism.
and i thought i was properly prepared to hear this. for over a year things have seemed to be leading us here, to this diagnosis. for longer than a year. in the past few months i have read fourteen books on the topic, readying myself for the possibility. but it was still enough of a shock that my head filled with pressure and my ears heard only wha wha wha wha as the doctor explained things to me. i can't believe i did not hold it together. a week before this appointment, i met with our pediatrician and she made a point to tell me what was most likely going to happen and made me assure her that i would try my best to just get as much information as possible and not react. but there i was, deaf. even though i had promised our pediatrician and myself that i wouldn't let this happen.
i've had a few days to work through what i thought i had already worked through and i am really getting to okay with this. he has a best-case scenario sort of diagnosis within the spectrum, i guess. he is high-functioning, and that combined with his high intelligence will give him wings. so now i have kicked into action-mode, busying myself with compiling our list of new books to read, new diets to try, new therapies to begin. readying myself for the inevitable struggle for services with the insurance company, with the schools. learning about his educational rights. learning to accept and move on. my new goal is to KNOW. to continue to advocate for him even better than the best my abilities can offer. and above all else, i had to have that moment--later in the day of his diagnosis---where the feeling ran over me that no matter what angus is still the same boy he was before the doctor uttered those words. and that kid is really fucking great.
there has been some related good news this week, too. well, bad news that is also good. combo news. at an appointment with his asthma & allergy specialist today, skin tests showed that angus has significant food allergies to ingredients in about 70% of his current diet. this was so hard to hear because the kid barely eats as it is. if i were to compile a list of foods he will eat i don't think i'd get to 20, and almost all of it is effected. so what he has been eating is making him sick. bananas (a staple of his diet since he began eating solids), corn & corn products (corn is in everything! who knew?), cottonseed oil (a ridiculous & unnecessary filler also in tons of food), peanuts, all tree nuts and mild allergies to other things, too. so tomorrow we begin a 7 day elimination diet where he will not be allowed any foods containing known allergens. he may starve. he is so stubborn about food i just don't know how this will go. but after the week is up, we then let him binge for 4 days on allergen-heavy foods and see what happens and then report it to the physician.
where is the good news? well, for starters, soon angus' body won't be in constant defense mode. once the bad stuff is cleaned out of him he should feel better and lose the rashy, dry skin and eczema that make him so uncomfortable. and as a bonus, our doctor explained that some children who exhibit autistic traits are doing so due to food allergies. so there's that. fingers crossed.
i hestitated to write here about this, but decided that this will be good for me. it's kind of a relief to put all this out here. our day to day difficulties are emotionally exhausting and socially isolating. this forum is a good way to sift things into perspective, to vent and brainstorm, and now maybe get some advice...some support. not pity though. my baby rules. i don't want to change anything about him. (well, except for the food thing. i'd love for him to eat anything i placed in front of him....that'd be cool.) i just want to fortify him for what could be a rough future. help build him up strong and happy and unbothered by being misunderstood. make sure he knows how fantastic he is exactly as he is. and just enjoy him.
and that's not hard to do. because he is amazing.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
I just finished my photos for the May Nectar & Light Photo Trade and I am satisfied with what I produced, but wish there was more time to really achieve what I wanted with this assignment. I feel like I was just getting warm....almost there, but time has run out and the deadline to mail the photos is the 18th. The theme for the month is Losing Focus: Finding Beauty in the Blur. I wasn't able to get what I wanted using just depth of field or focus, so I ended up shooting through the lenses of dollar store nerd glasses, in the style of TTV ("Through the Viewfinder" photography is as taking a picture of something through the viewfinder of any camera with another camera.) I am now on the hunt for an old Brownie camera to use for TTV shots. I found one at a thrift store for a buck recently, but put it back because the whole back of it was missing. Grrrrrrr. Just look at the kind of images shooting TTV this makes? Beautiful. Anyways....here are the final images I am settling on for May. Near to what I had hoped for, but not quite there.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
It's true, but first I must share some serious awesomeness with you all. Well, mostly just with fellow wavy or curly haired folks. Friends, countrymen, I have found salvation. My formula is the Anti-Poof. This stuff is crazy good and delivers what it promises for under $5 a bottle.
Ahhh, yes---one more thing before I get back to talking cooties. Netflix up The Orphanage right away and enjoy.
OK, so I caught the Internet cooties from my friend Tracey, but it's cool. She entertains me daily with her amazing artwork (her work is fascinating...go take a peek), so I don't mind a bit. (one day I will own one of her paintings....) The rules are simple: 1. pick up the nearest book 2. turn to page 123. 3. find the fifth sentence. 4. post the next three sentences 5. tag five people and acknowledge who tagged you. If you want to play along, please do. Morgan? Erika? Becky? Nancy? Sherrie? I am curious to see what you are reading.
So here it is. An excerpt from Beautiful Children, by Charles Bock. This dude never met a comma he didn't want to plop between phrases and just keep on keeping on, a veritable minefield of run-on sentences, this book. Here goes-----
The Beatles and "Revolution" for Nike got things started, although that was
more of a ghost story than fact, it happened so long ago that most of the people
in the truck hadn't been alive back then, nobody had even seen the actual
commercial. But everyone knew about it, just like they knew "Satisfaction" by
the Rolling Stones for Microsoft. And the Who got tagged for that "best I ever
had" song, which had been used by Lexus automobiles.