once again, my favorite video ever

this post will be quite rambling, i am sure of it. this is an old video of my dear sweet boy from march of 2007. looking back at this now, so many of what i'd later come to understand as symptoms of his autism were right there in front of us, yet we saw them only as quirks. elaborate hand gestures, compulsive face wiping, lining up his belongings just so. from birth angus was particular and systematic....demanding to be held just so and just there and rocked just right, unable to tolerate riding in the car, never exploring textures by putting things in his mouth, and later not being able to chew foods or feed himself without gagging, choking, throwing up or melting down. plus so many more...too many to name. he was and is a cornucopia of wonderfully strange behavior.

i still believe that his symptoms are ultimately are just that---quirks. quirks and gifts he has been lucky enough to have bestowed upon him....things that make him unique and special and keep him operating on a plane above the ordinary. but now we also know different methods to help him cope with his very particular preferences and needs. his diet is regulated, he is in a fabulous class with a loving pair of teachers in a school that i have faith in. i am so proud of his progress. but more than that, proud of how proud he is of himself.

i simply cannot believe how quickly time passes when you have kids. and how many cliches come true. but above all else, i am amazed by the power of my love for this kid. we are connected so deeply and profoundly. we fall asleep in each others arms every night still, and i will allow him this until he no longer needs that from me, no matter how long it takes. to be honest, i need him as much as he needs me, and i am convinced that he, more than anyone else in the world, knows the real me. and he loves me for it.